AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

        It is difficult not to mock at Third Fronts.

        Yet, it is impossible to ignore them as they occupy some political space. If politics is a circus, the 'Front-runners' play the ...let me not say that, but here's a hint: the nation roars and rolls in laughter when they appear! But with the bright idea of a third front getting floated for the 'n'th time and a front itself getting formed this week with a formal nomenclature (UNPA -- how novel!) for the third time in two decades, people are too tired to even tickle themselves into laughing. Even so, as diligent members of the public we must record the birth of these bubbles, though none notices when they burst or go bust.

        Their track record has been such. The late but unlamented NF and UF of 80's and 90's vintage came into being with great pomp and fanfare but vanished without a trace. Unlike the current UNPA, the NF and UF were post-poll alliances formed to keep the Congress and the BJP respectively 'out' of power. While the BJP propped up the NF, the UF stood on Cong crutches. And both the Fronts collapsed prematurely when those backers backed off. But the Fronts, during their shortlived stints at power, turned out to be hilarious slap-stick stuff with each of those brief Front regimes packing in more than one PM! Had they lasted longer, the list of ex-PM's would be longer too.

        Though two Third Fronts died in harness, the idea of a Third Front (TF) never dies. It thrives perennially in the minds of a host of political players: Losers looking to regain lost limelight, infant parties that have broken away from parents, prodigals waiting for a homecoming that is not yet forthcoming, PM aspirants with no party behind them, partner-less parties pitching for marriages of convenience or a one-night-stand, political orphans, political nomads, caste parties and all sorts of political wastes that get churned out in the political cauldron. TF is a bogey raised by such elements to keep themselves warm while out in the cold. It is like a roadside choultry where politicos and parties reside or rest en route to power or oblivion. TF is a label that represents nothing specific; a vehicle to nowhere; a house of cards that belongs to no one in particular; an edifice that falls apart at the first gush of political winds. It is a virtual umbrella that folds up after use. In short, it is an abstraction, but a distraction nevertheless.

        The latest TF is in keeping with all those familiar traits. Its constituents all have a solid past and a shaky future. They are neither here nor there, rotting at home as mere spectators even as their local rivals go places. The time was indeed ripe for a Front to cover their backs. But there are a few features that tell this latest Third Front from the earlier avatars; a second-hand idea, for sure, but with a few firsts. For one, the new Front has four letters, a literal improvement over the usual two, though it is bit early to say if that means some extra life or more stability. Numerology, probably, to get the political arithmetic right. The Front leaders also did not stand alongside each other and hold up their hands together, a truly revolutionary opening that spared the nation an ominous sight. Again, this is the first TF without the Left Front playing a part in it. Also, for the first time, no Janata Dal figures in the Front. That's indeed a huge break from the past as TFs are usually the brainchild of either the comrades or the 'Dal'heads. And lo, 'Weepy' Singh, too, is missing in action; the Raja of Manda is a 'front'line leader and a man of many a Morchas. May be, all these Terminators would pitch in later, once they are done with the Cong or BJP.

        The hallmark of a Third Front is confusion and in that respect, the new Front has begun well. By queering the Presidential pitch, the UNPA has indeed set the cat among the pigeons. The disarray that has been caused in the ranks of the UPA and NDA is a feather that has arrived on its head ahead of the cap. That the missile man has bitten the bait, albeit, temporarily, should be mortifying to this just-born multi-headed hydra. So what if the people have not taken the Front seriously? The People's President has. That's good enough. Now, let's not speculate on why or how Kalam ruled himself in after ruling himself out some time back. That is the power of delusion and the pull of illusion, ingredients that TFs and their members are made of. Untenable ambitions rub easily on anyone, scientists included, who comes into contact with a TF. Very infectious!

        And with Jayalalithaa delaying her trip to Delhi, the TF looks to have started off with its other genetic affliction: Split personalities. Of course, with so many heavy weights around in the Front, they are bound to confront. But the fragile Front simply cannot survive an affront to any one of its partners by any one of its partners. So once the Presidential kite flying fete ends, the fate of the Front would largely depend on the moods and motives of its principal partners. In any case, there are already enough seeds of conflict. And contradictions too, with regional interests at loggerheads. For instance, Bangarappa was Karnataka CM when scores of Tamilians were looted and killed in a carnage over Cauvery in the early nineties. J as TN CM had accused Bangarappa of masterminding it. Did that bloody dispute come up when they broke bread? And what has Babu Naidu to say on the dams on Palar coming up in his constituency abutting Tamilnadu? Again, will the postal address of UNPA be Poes Garden, Hyderabad, Chandigarh, Delhi or Lucknow? Indeed, if issues like leadership or policies were to be discussed upfront, the Front would go down soon enough. They have just come together; whether they can stay together for two years till polls is an astrologer's nightmare! Of course, post polls, they would merge, jointly or severally, into one of the two three lettered Fronts, NDA & UPA or ABC & XYZ, to provide a stable government or to save 'secularism', as the case may be.

        But a paradox persists. NDA and UPA themselves are an assortment of parties with the BJP and the Congress at the mercy of allies. That is, we already have two Third Fronts. Do we need a third Third Front in the form of a UNPA? Can we handle such frontal attacks on our senses?

        Well, we are not sure if Pratibha Patil is a joke on the nation; but Third Fronts certainly are. And very stale jokes, really!