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CRANK'S CORNER

        Ladies and gentle-men, switch that damn TV off (if you have electricity, that is), send those kids to play nextdoor and, if your mother-in-law is around, please adjourn to the next room (the last one is a general advice). For, we are going to deal with a very important topic: Do we need a government? No-sayers, just raise your hands. One, two...okay guys you win hands down.

        But sorry, I am not there with you people. Governments are not as useless as you think. It is much worse. No, I am just kidding. I can tell you that it is peopled by hardworking and sincere staff, who slog even at the dead of night, implementing well-thought out plans, like power cuts in chosen neighbourhoods like mine. For the last week or so, we have been thanklessly enjoying a blissful blackout at the dead of night while some hapless AE or JE lost his sleep by ensuring that we got one.

        It didn't matter whether the moon was out or not, it didn't matter whether the local sewage pipe was overflowing or not, it didn't matter whether the street mongrel was rabidly chasing the guys returning from call-centres, nothing really mattered as the assiduous EB men burnt their midnight candle so that we got to experience a soul-touching, straight-from-the-oven-feel power failure.

        Now, there are power failures, and then there are ones that happen at midnight. Both are different, as different as mother is from mother-in-law. Imagine waking up in the womb of night, floating in a sweat pool, which can be deep enough to conduct Olympic synchronised swimming competitions. It is at one such moment in a sweat pond, and certainly not in a bath tub as is erroneously believed, that Archimedes experienced water displacement and immediately coined the word 'Eureka', which does not necessarily mean anything in English, and hence was passed off as a scientific discovery. Naturally, he was in a hurry to shout this important word to the world and ran down the stairs. But in the all-consuming darkness, he couldn't exactly find the steps and hence came hurtling down, leading to another discovery - gravity. As Newton and Archimedes were not on talking terms (how could they be, one spoke English and the other Greek, which was really Latin and Greek to Newton), the situation became complex. The gravity of Newton's problem could be gauged by the fact that his Adam's apple wouldn't cooperate in pronouncing 'Eureka'. One thing got mixed with another, finally Adam ate the apple and threw it on Newton's head leading to an injury, which the doctor described as 'serious', which any thesaurus would tell you can be used as a synonym for gravity. This is the history of science as recorded on a light-less night of power failure.

        Talking of mixed up meanings, power failure and failure of power do not mean the same. The current status of Dayanidhi Maran, who had hitherto owed his strength to the Sun (no sirs, solar energy is different) is a good example of failure of power. Power failure is how you would describe the UPA in office. It is the government that forever keeps you in the dark.

        As ever, I am digressing. I was speaking about what we in our neighbourhood have been experiencing in the last week. But I am sure there are many other people in diverse localities who also got to feel, thanks to the munificence of the electricity board, the same alluring darkness, the same breezeless stillness, the same chill running down the spine at nights when even owls are searching for valiums. These are romantic moments that poets live a life to enjoy, if they are lucky, at least once. But we, a fortunate lot, get it gratis on a daily basis. And look at the practical benefits, too. Our ACs, our refrigerators, our computers, our every damn gizmo just can rest easy. No sweat. They can remain as they are, and conk out due to excess electricity when the warranty period runs out.

        Are you still not convinced about the benefits of a power cut? Well, here is the clincher: The UPS is just about to die, and there is no chance of me typing anything more.