AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

CRANK'S CORNER

        It is no surprise that Abdul Kalam, after demitting the office of President, has quickly taken up assignments for teaching and giving lectures in colleges and educational institutions. After doing practically nothing and living alone in Rashtrapathi Bhavan, which is spacious enough to almost house some minor African nation, Kalam, if it came to that, would have taken up any work even if it just meant mouthing 'Baba Baba Black Sheep' amidst kindergarten students.

        But luckily Kalam was not a Vice-President. It would have been like casting Visu in a Manirathnam movie. If Kalam had been the Vice-President, it is also fair to surmise that either he would have adjourned himself out half-way unable to stand the essential vacuum of the job or the Rajya Sabha members would be still holed up in the Parliament House listening to his speech that perhaps began on the day he assumed office.

        If the post of President is largely ceremonial, called only to provide some lead voice at the time when the Prime Minister and the Ministers are taking oath, then what of the Vice-President? Take out the few occasions he is called to speak to adjourn the Rajya Sabha after the inevitable pandemonium, the Vice-President's job entails expenditure of energy lesser than the ones that new-born babies need to aimlessly zig-zag their arms and legs in the few minutes they are awake.

        It is debatable whether modern world has seen anything conceptually as bizarre as the Vice-President's post in India. Whoever thought of this post must have been trying to help his uncle or grandfather whom the doctor had advised complete rest for five years at a stretch. And when you think of it, there must be a few officers, some of them presumably of the IAS cadre, to assist the Vice-President. What would they be assisting him in? It would be interesting to imagine what the Vice-President and his secretary would be discussing on any given morning.

        VP: What's is it for the day?

        Secy: Pretty hectic, I am afraid. We have to pack in breakfast, lunch and, supper, evening walk, afternoon rest and staring at the wall all within the 15-odd hours that you have before it is time to call it a day. Perhaps, if you are hard-pressed, we can cut that evening walk.

        After such back-breaking work, no wonder most Vice-Presidents can't summon the energy to handle the Rajya Sabha. It is sheer tiredness that make the VPs to announce the adjournment.

        It would be even more intriguing to figure how the Vice-President would handle an inquisitive grandson or granddaughter, if he had one.

        Grandson: What do you do for a living?

        VP: I am the Vice-President of this country.

        Grandson: But what is the work?

        VP: (In a bitter, resigned tone) This is the problem with the young generation. They are for ever asking questions impertinently. We older generation are never like this. I never asked the same question when they put me in this job.

        Apart from the VP's post, the other job that has me fascinated is the one of court Dawalis. Imagine standing dead-faced in a costume, which if you were caught wearing anywhere else would straightaway lead to a call to Kilpauk, amidst people who think it fit to wear strange and stifling gowns and stranger and even more stifling collars over perfectly normal dress! In terms of sheer outlandishness, our court rooms rank alongside the sets that are seen in a T Rajendher movie.

        As far as I have seen, the only work that a Dawali is called to perform is just to announce the arrival of Justice into the court hall as if he is some sort of a Pandian Express entering the third platform.

        What will happen if the Dawali does not foretell the oncoming of a judge into the hall? I want to say something funny here. But I don't want to write something that will land me in the court for contempt. At any rate, I don't fancy meeting Dawalis in person.

        The bottomline is this: If the courts need Dawalis, I guess the nation too needs a VP. Or at any rate, I needed them. Now I can spend the rest of the weekend like a VP at office.